Always Been You
by starbuckfaerie21
Summary: A different and happier outcome for Season 3 The Graduates
1. Always Been You

**Always Been You: An O.C. fanfiction**

**Disclaimer:** The O.C. belongs to Josh Schwartz and FOX, not me. Sadly Ben Mackenzie doesn't belong to me either. Don't I wish! Bits of dialogue taken from "The Graduates."

Lyrics belong to Death Cab for Cutie

**Rating: T**

**Pairing: **Ryan/Marissa or Mack/Misch as I like to call them

**Summary: **A different outcome for Season 3's finale. A happier one!

_Love of mine, someday you will die_

_But I'll be close behind and I'll follow you into the dark_

_No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white_

_Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark."_

The last thing Ryan Atwood remembered before his car flipped over the embankment was Marissa's terrified scream and his own voice telling her urgently to hold on. He didn't know how long he'd been unconscious but when he came to Marissa's safety was the first thing on his mind. Somehow Ryan managed to crawl through the debris over to Marissa. She was still unconscious and he could tell that she was badly hurt.

"Marissa?" he whispered trying in vain to rouse her. "Marissa?" he said again louder this time as he detected the scent of gasoline around them and looked away from her and spotted the source of the smell. The gas was leaking from the tank.

_We've got to get out of here_. Ryan thought knowing that at any moment the wrecked car around them could go up in flames. The doors were definitely and the windows were harder to get to. It seemed that the easiest escape from the overturned car was the roof so, without a second thought Ryan put his fist through the glass and crawled out.

Turning his attention to Marissa, Ryan put his hands gently under her narrow shoulders and lifted her with all the strength he had left, hoping he wouldn't hurt her. Once there was room to maneuver Ryan lifted her limp, mangled body into his arms until they both were at a safe distance from the wreckage, which was now on fire behind them.

Away from the flames, Ryan set Marissa down on the pavement, the sleeves of her white sweater hanging loose about her arms, resembling the wings of angel. He couldn't believe how light she was despite the fact that she was dead weight, it had taken almost no effort at all to carry her. Ryan sat down on the pavement behind her, and supported her head with one hand, while letting the weight of her body fall into his lap.

"Marissa?"

She didn't stir.

"Marissa?" He shook her gently, hoping the movement would bring her back to consciousness.

He looked down at her face, which had grown pale, her lips usually pink and shimmering with lip gloss were now white, almost blue, her eyes were lidded and unfocused, and a rivulet of blood ran down her temple.

Finally after a moment, Marissa slowly opened her eyes and tried to focus on the face and the voice that she'd thought had only been in her mind.

_Ryan._

"Ryan?" She managed to speak his name softly and with difficulty; she found it hard to catch her breath. She reached out and was amazed at how much effort it took just to touch his shoulder.

"Okay," he said, exhaling the breath that he hadn't realized that he was holding, relieved that she was now semi-conscious.

"Okay…I'm going to get help, okay?"

"No…don't leave…she mumbled through pain, clinging desperately to the fabric of his navy blue T-shirt.

"I gotta get help." Ryan said in a comforting whisper.

"No…"

"Yeah…I gotta get help." He was reluctant to leave her but knew that he didn't have a choice.

"No…no…stay…" She pleaded with him, her voice barely above a whisper now.

"Don't leave…"

_Unless…_

He reached into the pocket of his jeans, and found his cell phone, which had miraculously not melted in the fire. He just prayed that it still worked.

He opened it and pressed the power button and the dial tone was music to his ears as he dialed 911 and reported their location and the accident and the fire, as Marissa lay dazed in his arms.

Ryan nodded to reassure her that he would stay as she lay there struggling for the strength to stay conscious and gasping for breath.

"Okay…hold on…" Ryan whispered, wanting to look for the ambulance but afraid to take his eyes off her, even for a fraction of a second.

_Because if I do she might…No…_

He wouldn't let himself think those thoughts. He couldn't lose her. Not like this… He wouldn't…lose her…ever again.

"Hold on…hold on…okay? It's gonna be okay…It's gonna be okay…It's gonna be okay…" He kept repeating over and over…a mantra…for himself and for Marissa.

_Mostly for her._

_Always for her._

He stroked her cheek with his thumb, promising her, "It's gonna be okay…"

He looked down at her as her breathing became more and more shallow.

_Where the hell is the damn ambulance?_

She opened her eyes to look at him, turning her head toward him slightly despite the effort the small movement took out of her.

"Marissa?"

He headed lolled back against his forearm, with a pained expression on her face.

"Marissa, I know it hurts, but you gotta stay with me, okay?"

She nodded weakly and her eyelids fluttered open again.

"You have to hold on…because I love you…" Ryan said through tears.

"I…love…you…too…" She gasped and reached for his hand.

He found her hand and held it tight.

"I'm sorry...for…DJ…and Volchok…and…

Her voice trailed off and he touched her cheek again sensing that she was fading.

"I wouldn't have done it any differently…just stay with me."

"Lindsey and Sadie…"

She was struggling for breath again.

"Shh,…They were just distractions…from you…I love you…I never stopped…Since the moment I saw you at the end of the driveway, I've loved you…It's always been you, Riss."

He saw her lips curl into a smile and he leaned forward to kiss her softly, careful of her injuries. The ambulance sirens could finally be heard close by and the paramedics wasted no time taking her from Ryan's arms onto a gurney.

"Ryan…don't leave me." She managed to speak despite the oxygen mask that had been placed over her nose and mouth.

"It's gonna be okay, Riss, I'm going with you. Let them take care of you."

Ryan held her hand and followed behind the gurney and jumped in the back of the ambulance stroking her hair as she fought to remain conscious on route to the hospital.

_But if heaven and hell decide that they are both satisfied_

_And illuminate the No on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark._

_Finis_


	2. Past, Present, Future

**Past, Present and Future**

**Disclaimer:** The O.C. belongs to Josh Schwartz and FOX, I'm just a fan. Ben Mackenzie's not mine either…sniff.

**Pairing: **Ryan/Marissa Mack/Mish

**Rating:** **T**

**Summary: **Picks up where my post finale fic "Always Been You" left off.

It seemed like forever to Ryan before the ambulance reached the hospital. His eyes never left Marissa's as she lay on the gurney fighting for every breath and to remain conscious. Her hand was clasped in his and he held it tightly as though he were a conduit passing his own strength onto her to ease her pain.

"We're almost there…just hold on…just a little longer."

He kissed her forehead as the ambulance came to an abrupt stop in front of the hospital. Their moment of tenderness was interrupted as the paramedics pulled away the gurney that carried Marissa through the double doors that led to the emergency room. And for a moment Ryan remembered making the same trip with Trey.

_After Marissa shot him._

_After he tried to hurt her._

Ryan shook his head to clear his mind of the past. He had to focus on the present.

_Here_

_Now_

_Marissa_

Somehow everything always came back to Marissa. She was in his recent past. He didn't know if coming to the Cohen's would have been the same without her. They had dated and broken up and gotten back together so many times he'd lost track but right now he couldn't think of a single reason why they weren't together. They loved each other and that was enough. Or at least it should've been. He was just sorry that it had taken a life- threatening accident to make him realize what he really wanted.

_He wanted a future with Marissa Cooper._

Suddenly Ryan was overcome with rage at the person who had caused all of this and threatened their future together.

_Volchok_

Ryan forced himself to calm down. He needed to concentrate on Marissa. He had to stay strong for her.

He dodged nurses and doctors who wanted examine him as he walked through the hospital, his navy blue T-shirt stained with dirt from the road, with his own sweat, and Marissa's blood and tears. His face and his muscular arms were scratched and bleeding slightly from broken glass but none of this fazed him. He had to find somewhere quiet to make a call.

The phone at the Cohen house rang twice before Sandy read the caller ID and answered.

"Ryan? Where the hell are you? You were supposed to be home three hours ago!"

"I'm at the hospital…"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah…driving Marissa to the airport…Volchok…he caused an accident…the car burned…Marissa…she's…she's…she's hurt bad Sandy."

Ryan took one ragged breath and felt silent as tears welled in his eyes.

"Okay kid…just stay where you are, we'll be there soon."

"Somebody should call her parents…"

"I'll take care of that…you just try and keep yourself calm until we get there."

Ryan sighed gratefully. He knew he couldn't bring himself to explain the details of what had happened to anyone else except…

_Marissa._

If she woke up and couldn't remember…If she asked him he'd tell her everything…If she woke up at all.

_Damn it Atwood don't think like that! She's going to be fine…She has to be..._

Ryan's thoughts were interrupted as Sandy came through the doors of the ER waiting room flanked by Seth, Summer, Jimmy and Julie, who looked shell-shocked.

"Hey kid, You okay?" Sandy said, grabbing his shoulder in a fatherly hug.

Seconds later Kirsten was at his side.

"Oh my God Ryan, you're bleeding!"

"It's just from the glass." Ryan said with a shrug.

"How is she?" The question came simultaneously from Julie and Summer.

"I don't know…she was sort of conscious in the ambulance…in and out…she was in as lot of pain…they were giving her oxygen to help her breathe, but when we got here, they took her away…to surgery I think.."

"Oh God." Julie murmured, sobbing into Jimmy's shoulder.

"Poor Coop." Summer whispered as she let Seth put a comforting arm around her shoulders and leaned toward her to kiss her forehead.

"She'll be okay Summer."

Jimmy looked up from Julie and his gaze met Ryan's.

"Thanks for being there for her…I hate to think if she'd been alone."

At this Julie got to her feet, enraged. "Jimmy why the hell are you thanking him? If it wasn't for him Marissa never would've been in that car in the first place!"

"Julie, this wasn't Ryan's fault,"

Kirsten said as calmly as she could as she felt her anger toward Julie bubbling to the surface.

_How dare she talk to Ryan like that after he probably saved Marissa's life!_

"Oh that's easy for you to say Kirsten, your son isn't the one lying on an operating table somewhere in this hospital!"

"Julie, I understand that you're upset, we all are, it's a tense situation for everyone but Ryan probably saved Marissa's life tonight."

Kirsten smiled to herself and grasped Sandy's hand.

_Leave it to my husband to say exactly what I'm thinking._

"Oh shove your diplomatic attorney talk up your ass, Sanford!" Julie yelled sarcastically.

"Don't talk to my husband like that Julie! Not after everything he's done for you and for Jimmy."

"You mean after everything _you've _done for Jimmy right Kirsten?"

"Jules," Jimmy cut in, trying to ease the tension in the room.

Ryan couldn't stand to listen to their bickering anymore. He got to his feet and punched the wall in front of him, loud enough so the rest of them could hear. When he pulled his fist away there was a tiny hole in the wall and his knuckles were bleeding profusely.

" **Everybody just shut the fuck up! Marissa's lying in the hospital and all you guys can do is argue about whose fault it is. What's important right now is Marissa!"**

Everyone fell silent until Summer stood up.

"Ryan's right…We're all here for Coop…so let's just try and be civil…for her sake."

Everyone nodded and mumbled their apologies but a moment later all attention was diverted to a doctor in scrubs who was coming toward them.

"You're all here for Marissa Cooper, I presume?" He said with a knowing smile.

"How is she?" Ryan, Jimmy, and Julie asked all at once.

"She's a lucky young lady. She had internal bleeding in her abdomen which was affecting her breathing…we got it under control, but we're giving her oxygen as precautionary measure. We stitched up the laceration on her head but she probably has a concussion. We'll keep her here a few days to monitor it. She might have some temporary memory loss."

"Can we see her?" Summer asked nervously.

"Of course, they're bringing her out of recovery now and into a room on the seventh floor. Only one person at a time though and just to warn you she may be groggy from the anesthesia and the medication she's getting for pain."

They all piled into the elevator and went up to the seventh floor. Jimmy went in first and then Julie, both of them said that she was asleep.

Ryan went in and took a seat next to her bed. He held her hand but didn't say anything for a while. He just watched her sleep. She looked so peaceful. It was a stark contrast to the way she'd looked after the accident. He'd never forget her pained expression or how empty her eyes looked as she stared up at him.

Sitting in that chair in Marissa's room, it occurred to Ryan just how exhausted he actually was. His eyelids had just started to droop when he heard her gasp.

Ryan opened his eyes and looked around the hospital room, concerned for her.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Marissa nodded and gave him a concerned look of her own.

"Ryan, what happened to your hand?"

"I…kinda…uh…punched it through a wall."

"Oh my God! Why?"

" I was mad and worried about you."

"I'm okay Ryan…really I am. Am I in the hospital?

"Yeah. Do you remember anything about what happened?"

"I remember graduation, and going to the model home with you and Sum and Seth."

"Anything else?"

Marissa sat up with difficulty because of the IV line in her arm and Ryan saw the panic make its way across her face.

"Ryan, what's going on? What aren't you telling me? There's blood on your shirt. Are you hurt? Are you in trouble?"

Ryan knew that she was thinking back to his fight with Trey.

"No…I'm okay…it's nothing like that…it's just…Oh God, this is hard. Marissa, I was driving you to the airport and Volchok followed us…he kept bumping into the car…he ran us off the road…the car flipped over…the gas leaked from the tank and there was a fire…you were unconscious so I pulled you out of the car…"

"So you saved my life?"

"Yeah, I couldn't leave you there…I love you too much…this whole thing made me realize that we should've been together all along…"

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

Ryan laughed and gave her a long passionate kiss. When he pulled away Ryan noticed that Marissa was stifling a yawn.

"What is kissing me boring for you Cooper?" Ryan asked playfully.

Marissa laughed. "No, I'm sorry…I'm just so tired."

"I'll go so you can get some sleep."

As he stood up and turned to leave, she took his hand and pulled him back to her.

"No…stay…don't leave…"

For a moment in his mind, Ryan saw her battered and bloodied in his arms as she unwittingly said the same words that she'd said to him just after the accident.

Tears came unbidden to his eyes as he turned back and sat down beside her bed again.

"Ryan, what is it? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, everything's perfect…you're perfect…you should sleep."

In that moment Ryan knew that Marissa Cooper was his past, his present, and his future all rolled into one

Hours later Ryan awoke from sleep with a start and a feeling that something was wrong. There was an incessant sound in the room like a bell ringing

He looked over at Marissa in the semi-darkness of the hospital room to find her thrashing in her sleep, and looking to his left Ryan found the source of the noise.

It was Marissa's heart monitor.

Ryan walked over to her and shook her shoulder trying to wake her up.

"Marissa, Marissa, Marissa… no…"

His mind flashed to those few terrible moments after the accident when he was trying to keep Marissa conscious.

There in that hospital room like déjà vu Ryan Atwood saw his past, his present, and his future flash before his eyes.

_Finis_


	3. Close Call

**Close Call**

**Disclaimer:** The O.C. belongs to Josh Schwartz and FOX, I'm just a fan. Ben Mackenzie's not mine either…sniff.

**Pairing: **Ryan/Marissa Mack/Mish

**Rating:** **T**

**Summary:** "Always Been You" Chapter 3

**Author's note:** This chapter has a little bit of medical speak in it so sorry if it's wrong. My knowledge of the medical field comes from my own personal experiences with hospitals and watching Grey's Anatomy. Any ideas on what should happen after this chapter would be greatly appreciated too! Enjoy!

Ryan Atwood was beyond panic as nurses and doctors rushed into Marissa's room pushing crash carts and charging chest paddles.

"Charge to two-hundred."

_Nothing. _

Ryan watched in horror as total strangers put the paddles on her chest that shot jolts of electricity through her body.

_If I hadn't fallen asleep, I could've been watching over her and she would be okay…but now she's…"_

His thoughts were interrupted by the voices of the nurses and doctors in the room again.

"Charge to three-hundred."

"Riss, c'mon wake up! Marissa, can you hear me? Wake up!"

"Somebody get this kid outta here!"

Ryan felt someone grip his shoulder in an effort to pull him away but he resisted.

"Marissa!"

"Charge again…three hundred…We've got a rhythm."

And in a matter of moments Ryan was alone with Marissa in the room again. The machines had stopped their warning cries and only beeped occasionally. Ryan stayed awake and waited for Marissa to regain consciousness

When he stepped closer to her bed and gently pushed the hair from her face, she opened her eyes and looked up at him with a smile.

"Hey, "she said softly.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Okay, I think I remember what happened…the accident I mean…"

"Yeah?"

"I had a dream…at least I think it was a dream… about the car and the fire…I heard you calling my name and then I guess I went back to sleep."

"Riss, that wasn't a dream…the doctor said you went into cardiac arrest while you were sleeping."

Ryan watched as her beautiful eyes got bigger with fear.

"But hey…you're going to be okay now." He whispered laying his hand on her arm in a gesture of comfort.

"Couple of days and you'll be out of here."

"Thank God." Marissa replied pulling Ryan down into the bed with her so her head rested on his shoulder.

"Riss, I really thought I was going to lose you…after the accident and then before…"

"I'm sorry."

"No, hey you don't have to apologize." He murmured, inhaling the scent of her hair.

"I'm just glad you're okay."

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"And we're in this together, whatever happens, deal?"

"Deal."

_Finis_


End file.
